I don't know about you, but I am constantly overwhelmed by all the things I want to do and all the things I want to be! There just aren't enough hours in the day! The one thing that helps keep me chugging are setting weekly goals.
Setting goals is a habit that started as a child with my parents. When the end of the year rolled around, my parents would whisk us off to a hotel (whether near or far away over Christmas break) and we would spend an afternoon setting goals. We would discuss the goal categories we wanted to improve in before hand. When we showed up, my parents would have a piece of paper for each category taped around the hotel room. Each of us would be armed with a different colored marker and we would take turns writing our goals on each piece of paper until we had written on them all. My dad would then type up all our goals on a spreadsheet so that we could track them regularly throughout the weeks, months, and year.
This is something that I have carried over with me into adulthood. My husband is AMAZING at setting and achieving goals and through our process together, we have learned a lot!
Self-confidence comes from keeping promises to yourself. The best way I have found to increase self-confidence is through setting goals and keeping my commitments to myself to make them happen. I do not say this flippantly, or like it is easy for me (or anyone else), but I have seen confidence grow as I have worked to keep my promises. I know that you can experience an increase in self-confidence as you practice this as well!
But how do you make promises or goals that you want to continuously keep? We often start with really good intentions, but then life gets in the way. My husband and I have been studying how to create good habits to reach goals. I will be quoting a lot from different sources, but the main ones will be the Criteria for Success Article Goal Accountability: The Key to Accomplishing and the book Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear.
START WITH YOUR VISION
Vision is how you want to FEEL at the completion of your goal. I have found so much more success when I have a positive emotional connection to my goal. Emotional connection for me means that I am invested. So imagine a goal you want .... how do you feel when you reach that goal? Write this down above your goal to keep as inspiration on your hard days.
UNWRAP YOUR IDENTITY
Your behaviors are usually a reflection of your identity. What you do is an indication of the type of person you believe that you are - either consciously or subconsciously. True behavior change is identity change. You might start a habit (or goal) because of motivation, but the reason you'll stick with one is that it becomes part of your identity. Improvements are only temporary until they become part of who you are. We need to recalibrate our goals to so that they become part of our identity.
The goal is not to read a book, the goal is to become a reader.
The goal is not to run a marathon, the goal is to become a runner.
The goal is not to learn an instrument, the goal is to become a musician.
The more you repeat a behavior, the more you reinforce the identity for good or bad! New identities require new evidence which can be exercised in this two step process:
Decide the type of person you want to be.
Prove it to yourself with small wins.
FOUR STEP PATTERN TO BUILDING A HABIT TO ACHEIVE A GOAL
The process of building a habit can be divided into four simple steps: Cue, Craving, Response, Reward. This four-step pattern is the backbone of every habit and your brain runs through these steps in the same order each time.
First, there is the cue. The cue triggers your brain to initiate a behavior. Cravings are the second step, and they are the motivational force behind every habit. Without some motivation or desire - without craving a change - we have no reason to act. The third step is the response. The response is the actual habit you perform, which can take the form of a thought or an action. Finally, the response delivers a reward. Rewards are the end goal of every habit.
HOW TO CREATE A GOOD HABIT
Cue -------------- Make it obvious
Craving ---------- Make it attractive
Response --------Make it easy
Reward ---------- Make it satisfying
HOW TO BREAK A BAD HABIT
Cue -------------- Make it invisible
Craving ---------- Make it unattractive
Response --------Make it difficult
Reward ---------- Make it unsatisfying
ROAD TO MASTERY
Mastery is the process of narrowing your focus to a tiny element of success, repeating it until you have internalized the skill, and then using this new habit as the foundation to advance the next frontier of your development.
Habits + Deliberate Practice = Mastery
Old tasks become easier the second time around, but it doesn't get easier overall because now you're pouring your energy into the next challenge. Each habit unlocks the next level of performance. It's an endless cycle. Improvement is not just about learning habits, it's also about fine-tuning them. Reflection and review ensures that you spend your time on the right things and make course corrections whenever necessary. To help reflect on your progress, ask yourself these three questions:
What went well with this goal or habit I am developing?
What didn't go well with this goal or habit I am developing?
What did I learn through this process?
Reflection can also bring a sense of perspective. Daily habits are powerful because of how they compound, but worrying too much about every daily choice will hinder our progress overall. Be kind to yourself through this journey. Remember who you want to be at the end and keep that identity of yourself pushing toward that goal.
BE ACCOUNTABLE
Goal accountability means that you are 100% committed to completing the tasks necessary to achieve your goals. Even if you have to completely change the route you take to accomplish your goal, do not give up on it. Don't forget that progress is still progress! There's a quote from Mary Poppins that I often think of when my end result isn't quite what I expected:
"When you reach for the stars all you get are the stars,
... If you reach for the Heavens, you get the stars thrown in!"
It's also incredibly important to have others support you on your journey. These goals we often set for ourselves are rarely easy. Any challenge in our life is made easier through support, love, and encouragement. It's also really important to surround yourself with people who are ready and willing to grow. We tend to fall to our comfort levels. When the people around us are comfortable, chances are it will be harder to be motivated to grow. When the people around us are trying every day to become better, it is likely that we will all rise together.
My husband and I are accountability partners every day in our personal lives. My husband has an accountability partner on his team at work to help him reach his work commitments. We are all here to help each other on this journey and it's important to let others celebrate our successes with us and help pick us up on our hard days!
I believe in you and that you can be that person in your Vision! You are strong, capable, and worthy of becoming the person you dream of!
Goal Setting Helps:
- Trello: Trello is the easy, free, flexible, and visual way to manage your projects and organize anything, trusted by millions of people from all over the world. It's my go-to for organizing my thoughts, goals, to-dos, and managing my life!
- The Happy Planner: The Happy Planner® was designed to inspire your daily planning. We make customizable disc-bound planner systems, sticker books and all the accessories necessary to keep you organized and inspired while letting your creativity shine through.
- Google Calendar: Google Calendar is a time-management and scheduling calendar service. Here's a fun video on how to use Google Calendar like a creative planner!
- Asana: Bring your team’s work together in one shared space. Choose the project view that suits your style, and collaborate no matter where you are.
What are your favorite ways to set goals? What are goals I can help you with?
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